I got what could have been “the call” last week. I have heard other adoptive families talk about “the call” so fondly and my heart has longed to be able to type those words.
It was a normal day. I sat down to my computer to check emails. I receive emails daily from “The Loop” as it’s called in Kansas City. It’s a mass email list to all foster and foster-to-adopt parents in the Kansas City area. 95% of the emails are looking for foster parents to accept placements of kids. The remainder are for adoptions.
The emails are depressing. They break my heart to read. Kids upon kids upon kids in horrible situations whom need a safe place to live. Sibling groups of 6, 7, 8 kids…..abused, neglected, needing treatment, needing therapy…needing what my family feels we can’t give them. They need a temporary safe place. We feel like we have been called to offer a permanent safe place. Judge us all you want. Unless God changes our hearts….that’s the path we are on.
Somedays I just can’t even read The Loop emails through. There.are.just.so.many.kids.people.
My husband and I had expressed interest in these kids last month….but had been told because we have our foster/adoption license thru the state of Missouri and these kids under a private agency, that we couldn’t get them. I didn’t even know that when kids are in foster care they could be in anything OTHER than state care…. did you???? So, they said to get these kids, we would have to redo our home study and take a few additional training classes to be sure our training was “up to their standards”.
To which I politely told them….. to fly a kite. We’ve done 2 homestudies in the last 2.5 years. I am notttttttt doing another one. The End. If you’ve done a home study, you get it.
Any dads in the picture?
Any bio family in the picture?
And on and on and on cuz’ after almost 3 years, my momma heart heard “these.kids.could.be.it.”
Do we have time for speech appointments and therapy every week?
Can we handle a barely-one year old again?
Are we prepared to go back to diapers and a stroller?
Do you realize we will be 60 when this boy graduates from high school?
Do you know it will be 4 more years before you can go back to work?
None of which is my nature.
Now before you go thinking my husband is needy or selfish or any of that….I will tell you that he is none of those things. He is the most generous, selfless man I know. But what he also is…..is brutally honest. He will call a spade a spade. He will call “too much”…”too much”.
And he thinks these kids would have been too much for our family.
Let me tell you what “too much” can look like. “Too much” can look like resentment from your other kids. “Too much” can look like bitterness from your spouse. “Too much” can be breakdowns for momma bears who have big, big hearts….. but who just aren’t equipped for said kiddos.
And so we said no.
Please continue to pray for us for this journey that has been way longer and way more emotional that we ever would have thought.
You bless me.