Adoption Update – stepping over the threshold of fear

Because so many of you are so kind enough to ask, I want to update you on our adoption journey.

At times I wonder if I am sharing too much of our journey, but I am merely walking in fragile obedience here. And asking you for grace in doing so.  It’s scary baring your heart to your computer screen.  But I’m praying our transparency is an encouragement to someone else in their own adoption journey.

It turns out that what I thought would be a quick overnight road trip to adopt….is,well, in reality… a very lonnnnnng journey.

In fact, I would say most of what I assumed this adoption story would look like is not at all in reality how it is.

The hubby and I are in the middle of praying thru some hard stuff. What does one do when the Lord’s will doesn’t seem obvious?  When there are so many ways to build your family….and yet you aren’t sure which way the Lord is asking you to do it thru?

We are still on a waiting list with 2 domestic adoption agencies in the US and will continue to wait on those.  Our profile has been looked at several times, but has not been selected….and that is ok. 

As we have been working thru the adoption process over the last year and a half….I have always said… “we will not do foster care unless the Lord changes my heart”. 

Perhaps God heard that and accepted that as a challenge.  LOL.

We are still thinking traditional foster care is NOT for our family, but we are slowly….literally inch by inch….thinking of adopting out of the foster care system.  We would be specific about adopting a healthy little girl under the age of 4. Of this I am certain.

And I am scared.

I don’t need to tell you what I am scared of. 

There are a jillion things to fear. Some realistic.  Some just the jumbled fears that are coming out of a vain imagination.

I  remind myself that I would have some of these same fears if we adopted an infant.

I would have some of these same fears if I were pregnant again.

Most of my fears are straight from the enemy himself and need cast down in the name of Jesus.

And so we are continuing to pray and ask that you would join us in doing so.

Adopting from the foster care system in our state essentially means redoing our home study. If ever you have adopted and have done a home study….you know what a daunting task this is.  To think of redoing it physically makes my stomach hurt.  If you don’t think it’s any big deal….I assure you….it’s because you have done a home study.

It would also mean 13 weeks of training for Jason and I. One night a week for 3 hours each week with 3 busy kids already and a booked calendar as it is.  And HEAVY topics. Sad topics.  Too many statistics and too many sad stories.  It sounds like too much for an already crazy, busy household and a passionate momma’s heart.

I choose to believe however…… that if God brings us to it….He will give us grace to go thru it.

I am comforted lately by a daydream that I have had from the Lord.  The Lord and I are holding hands and He is walking with me in the direction we are to go in our adoption journey. 

And He knows I am scared. 

And He knows my heart’s desire is to do His will. 

And He loves on me like a patient daddy would his daughter. Knowing she will come around, but needing time to process.

And He is soooooooo patient with me.

So, we take a step together….the Lord and I.  In a direction I have never been and completely out of my comfort zone. 

And I need time to adjust my thinking. 

To regroup mentally.

To timidly ask the Lord for the 100th time if He is certain He has the right girl here?????

I just have to get my head around what He is asking us to do.

I search for peace in my soul. And once I am there emotionally, then the Lord and I take another step and I remind myself that I can do ALL things thru Christ who strengthens me.

And so we continue, the Lord and I on this walk together.

I just LOVE that the Lord is never pushing me, never pulling me.  Just gently by my side…..cheering me on.  Reminding me over and over of His unfailing love for us.  Reminding me of the scripture that if we ask for a fish, He will not give us a serpent because He is a GOOD GOD!

I am so grateful for my husband right now.  For his wisdom and his peace and leadership in our home.  I’m so grateful we are in agreement. And this is the direction he also feels we need to move in.

One of the adoption advocates who is supporting us has told me that most people will never consider adopting children out of the foster care system simply because of fear.  He has encouraged us “to step over the threshold of fear”.

And I love that visual.

So please keep our family in your prayers as we continue to storm the throne of grace….eager to learn God’s will for our family.  We are praying that if this the way to go, that the door would swing open wide.  And if not, that before we spend 13 weeks in training….. the door would close tightly and another door would open.

I am so grateful for all of your emails and phone calls and blog comments.  And I marvel that God has given me this blog as a place to work thru my emotions by writing and sharing our journey with the world.  I am hoping I can encourage someone else who is also….doing it afraid.

Photo compliments of dear friend and talented photographer, Aimee Decker of Radiant Photography.