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Today is August 20th, the day our first baby was due to be born. We were so excited to be pregnant!!! I had prayed for a reason to quit smoking (yes, me.) and 3 weeks later was suddenly pregnant!!! How’s that for an answer to prayer!

At my first doctor’s appointment, the doctor suspected I may be pregnant with twins, so he ordered a sonogram at 9 weeks. Unfortunately, instead of seeing 1 or 2 heartbeats, there were none. The doctors gave us the option of a D&C or to wait a week “just in case my due date was wrong and I was too early to see a heartbeat”. OMG. What kind of an option is that? Of course we would wait!

It was a long, miserable week. I had just begun walking again with the Lord after almost a decade of rebellion. And my husband had just been saved. So we didn’t understand. Lord what was going on here? We prayed. We cried. We begged God for a healthy baby. But still, a week later, no heartbeat.

A few months later we got pregnant with Noah. And then had Easton and then we had another miscarriage right before getting pregnant with Ava. It was even earlier in the pregnancy and yet still …. as any woman who has miscarried knows….heartbreaking.

I will tell you this. Miscarrying changes you. The enemy of your soul fights to steal the joy from every other pregnancy by filling you with fear. It’s a battle to not be paranoid by every little “thing/pain/symptom” that you feel. I know because I battled thru every pregnancy.

I am telling you this today to tell you that I am so, so, so thankful with everything in me that God let me be the mother of these 3 kiddos here on earth. I do believe I will see my other babies again one day and until then, I hope I can appreciate the ones I have here with me ….every day to the fullest. Today I will hug them a little tighter and snuggle with them a little longer and let them get away with a little more because I know that some of you are reading this…. are aching to become a mom. You would give anything to have a family or more children and I understand. I want to appreciate my kids to the very fullest today because that’s the only way I know how to honor you.

I want you to know that to some small degree, I understand the pain of your journey. I am praying for you and if I could reach thru this computer to hold your hand and tell you to not give up on your dreams of a family….I would. That dream is worth fighting for.

If you know someone who is trying to have a baby or more children, would you send them some love today? Just knowing someone is on the journey with them can make all the difference in the world. And please don’t assume that just because they have 1 child or 2 children or 10 children for that matter and are unable to have another…. that they should just be happy with what kids they already have. Loss is loss regardless of if you have other children.

Much love to you ladies. Thank you for letting me share my story.

With tears,

One Comment

  • Traci says:

    Sorry for your loss! I went through a similar experience with my first pregnancy. I remember going to the Dr. And him saying you are probably having a miscarriage we will wait and see. I refused to believe it and when I went out to the receptionist and asked about the Lamaze classes. My husband looked at me and then at the nurse and said in a quiet voice the dr says she is having a miscarriage so we do not want to sign up for the classes. I lost the baby a few days later at home. I felt numb at the time like it was happening to someone else. I didn’t really deal with til after I did have my first son. I know now everything happens for a reason and I have been blessed with two boys. Thanks for sharing your story nice to know I’m not the only one out there that has experienced loss like this. Just remember they are waiting for us and we will see them one day! Traci

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