And I can’t believe THAT just came out of my mouth….

Do you ever just say something and think where ON EARTH did THAT just come from?  Ug. Sometimes out of my troubled heart, my mouth speaks!

A few weeks ago,  I was feeling rather anxious about work.  The flip side of things going very, very well for the Magic Brush is that there are also many, many projects coming up and many, many decisions to make concerning what projects to accept, what directions to take, etc.   I’m releasing my first mentorship program , a “Creative Inner Circle” in the next few weeks.  We just had my first of many webinars which was amazing. Awesome. Thebomb.com.  The announcement about the next one comes out next week!  I have traveled for work 4 times in the last 6 weeks and have had 12 painting presentations/speaking engagements to plan for (for the love!).   I have a deadline for my first e-book next week.  I am putting together a travel group to Jamaica (who wants to go?  Info here!)  Add to that all 3 of our kids birthdays within a 6 week span in the fall  (plan much?) AND our anniversary AND a pumpkin carving party for 80 people in my home.  It was all hitting at once and big decisions needed to be made and deadlines were looming! And I was a hot mess.

So, I found myself wanting to suck my thumb in the fetal position somewhere.  But chose instead to momentarily fall into the black hole otherwise known as “The Pity Party for One”.  And this is what I said to my husband as I laid on the sofa and just cried….. “sometimes I just wish someone was the boss of me”.

Huh?????  Am I 43 or 4?  Lol.

One of the main reasons I love being a self-employed, creative entrepreneur is because I LOVE the freedom.  I work when I want to work,  for who I want and for how much I want.   I make every decision in terms of the direction of this business.  I get to be at every school function and put my kids on the bus each day and I can take a nap in the middle of the day if my sweet little tired self feels like it. ha!.  As if…..

But on the flip side of that is the battle that I suspect every self-employed person fights.  Some days it feels like you can never turn it off.  Work is ALWAYS there.  Because we understand the self-employed rule  of “if you don’t work; you don’t eat”, we get caught up in the taxing cycle of never stepping away from our jobs.   And the weight of selling/finding work and juggling family/work balance feels heavy.   And there are opportunities thrown at you and decisions that need to be made and you are being looked to for ANSWERS constantly.   And there are days when I feel like Yogi Bear asking “which way do I go Boo-Boo, which way do I go?”.  And THAT’S where I was when I said I wished someone was the boss of me.

I even filmed a video about the stress last week.  I think every entrepreneur can relate:

I wanted to be totally vulnerable in that moment so that OTHER ENTREPRENUERS know that you are not alone in your feelings.  There are days I think that everyone feels like throwing in the towel on their job.  ESPECIALLY self-employed people!

The truth is that sometimes, it SOUNDS easier to go back to clocking in everyday.  And just letting my creative talents waste away in a cubical somewhere.  And have someone to report to.  Cuz’ someone else could be the boss of me and the PRESSURE would surely dissipate. Right?

Or so it seems.

I know in my knower that I’d be trading the pressure I feel right now for my creativity suffocating in an office somewhere.

I’d be fighting the very entrepreneurial spirit that I believe God gifted me with.

I’d be trading stability for flexibility.

I’d be trading kid’s field trips and afternoon naps for paid PDOs.

I’d be trading the possibility of potential income for consistent 401K matches.

And although in the heat of the pity party it sounds good…. I’d hate every single second of it. And so would you my entrepreneur friend.

And so really, I don’t want someone to be the boss of me.  I like being the boss of me. But, the cry of my heart in that moment was “I need help navigating decision-making in my business.” and “can I just take a break for a minute” and I just needed my husband to remind me that the earth does not set on the pressing decisions I need to make regarding Magic Brush business.   I think any aspiring, growing entrepreneur feels this way on occasion.  And I think it’s part of the beauty, part of the process of reporting to YOURSELF .

So it’s ok self-employed friends.  It’s ok to have a momentary pity party of one.  But then remember WHY you do what you do.  You love the freedom and the possibilities and are willing to sacrifice stability and consistency to have it.  You love the chase, you love the hustle, you were born for this.

So cut yourself some slack.  It’s gonna be alright.

Entrepreneur on, my friends.

I’m rooting for you and I’d LOVE to hear your comments.  Please let me know that I’m NOT the only one wanting to suck my thumb in a corner some days.  Everything feels less scary when we know we aren’t alone!

Jennifer